All They Want
by SoRightItsWrong
Summary: Its always the things you want most that you cant have...


A/N This is my first SVU fanfic. It might be kind of confusing to some of you. But I hope you guys like it! Just so you know Italics are (kind of) from the song Missing by Evanescence.

Please review it means the world to me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU or the song Missing by Evanescence.

-Dezzie

From the beginning their relationship had been unconventional. Maybe if they didn't genuinely care for each other except as partners, things would be fine. But the caring ran deeper than that. (So deep they couldn't stop it.) And they knew that they had to end this thing between them. (But how could you when you were so lost with need?)

There's this problem that they have… (There's a thin line between caring and loving and their lost somewhere in between.)

_____

She doesn't realize at first how much she needs him in her life. (He's always there just a constant presence.) It's not until she's forced to watch him held at gunpoint that she truly understands how much he means to her. (It's fucking irony that she almost looses him that day.) But in true fashion she blocks it out. (Because isn't it always easier to pretend that you don't need?) Instead she lets life go on; wishing things were the way they used to be. (When the nights weren't filled with an empty ache _that she just can't stop_.) But she always finds herself crying in the dark_ all alone_. (Because she knows that she would _die to know he loved her_.)

It doesn't seem too difficult to see… If he's not in her life she's lost. (And he's like a fucking drug she just can't give up.)

_____

Maybe in the back of his mind he's always known. (It's only there that he just can't lie to himself.) She's so much more than just his partner. (She's his life.) But he was always a stickler for the rules (and she was most definitely number one on his _Things I Shall Not Have_ list.) The worst thing was that he just couldn't escape her. Everywhere he went, she was there. (His brain was on sensory overload and he was nearing his breaking point.) And soon it just wasn't enough to see her. He knew that if he didn't do something soon he might just snap. (The scariest thing was that he might not mind if he did.)

Nothing could be worse… He's slowly going crazy. (He looks in the mirror and he can't see himself. It's only her face that stares back.) And it _hurts so fucking much that it feels good_.

_____

She escapes the loneliness by pretending (wishing) that they weren't stuck in this twisted fucked up life. (Because it just wasn't fair that he couldn't belong to her.) The saddest part was that she would give her life for him and he didn't even know. (And she's lying on the floor _bleeding for him_ and he doesn't even care.) He seems so oblivious to it all. (She always _cries out to him_ and he can't even hear her.)

Maybe it's this… She's always felt like the _sacrifice_. (She's _missing_ parts of herself and she doesn't even care.)

_____

There's this reoccurring dream he keeps having. (He swears to himself it's not her in his mind. How wrong he is.) He's almost convinced himself that he can't have her (and then the dream fucks his mind all up again.) It's just that their both innocent in this fantasy. (And for once the looks they share during the day don't seem so wrong.) Each kiss is trembling and new and _she hasn't forgotten him._ (But then daylight breaks and its back to his regular life.) He would give _everything he had_ to touch her just once. Feel her smooth skin on his. (And isn't it just wrong that he would do that for just one kiss?)

There's this thing that's happening… It's called hope. (Because for the first time today she looked at him and he could see her thoughts in her eyes.)

_____

She knows what she has to do. She's leaving (running like a coward) before this can get out of hand. She thinks he _won't try for her_ but she's so wrong. He won't let her leave (Because lets face it…she's always been his.) He thinks it's crazy that she hasn't realized yet that _she's not alone._ (Because how could she not see how he felt all along?)

But she's leaving anyways because she can't take it. (She always promised herself that she won't fall in love…because it would hurt to fucking much.) Things have got to get better with time. (As long as she can't see his face or hear his voice.) But now that she knows she isn't so insignificant it's hard to be without him. (Sometimes she _wakes at night and he's not there_. Then she realizes it was _just a dream_.) And every day when she (almost) breaks down she tells herself it's too late. (He's gone from her life forever and that's just how she wants' it.)

You might not believe this but… If she knew how much a broken heart hurt, she might not have run. (In retrospect at least she hasn't ruined his life forever.)

_____

One day he realizes that he just can't live without her for any longer. (He can't believe he's made it this long without once crying over her.) So he follows her because he finally realizes that he fell for her. (From the moment he met her she's been all he could think about.) And it's not easy convincing her to stay with him. It's only when he warns her he won't leave until she says yes that she gives in. (And now that she's his he's never letting go.)

There's something you should know… They realized. (And fell in love.)


End file.
